Delayed Feedback
Many years ago, I had a habit of asking people to give me feedback about myself so that I would know if they were offended or otherwise negatively affected by me. This would have been very useful at a time in which I was not very good at picking up more subtle signals. Of course, everyone was very uncomfortable with the idea and no-one was willing to help me out. As I get much better at reading people, I have been noticing things that I have been doing for a long time that don't seem to get a positive reaction, in at least a few cases from people I have known for more than a decade. Wouldn't it be so much quicker and easier if we could all be more honest?
posted by James Medhurst @ 3:34 PM
3 Comments:
It would be easier to just be more honest, but is it that easy to say why someone is perceived in a negative way? Maybe people weren't sure exactly what to say, or that aware of what affects their own reactions. I'm sure I'm not that observant of why I react the way I do to specific behaviour.
I think that you are right, Kim. Thank you for your words of wisdom. It is getting to the stage that, when people are slightly unnerved by me, I sometimes have a better idea why than they do!
James, I can certainly understand how you feel. Sometimes I feel like I am being very cruel to Mica by telling him that his behavior is annoying, innappropriate, etc. Yet I know he wants me to guide him because he hates to be different. He also doesn't get his feelings hurt as easily as my other kids. He doesn't want me to sugarcoat anything, just be completely honest. I think if anyone other than my own child asked me for brutal honesty, it would be difficult. Along the lines of what Kim said, lot of times Mica's behaviors are fine but I am in a grouchy mood. It would be wrong to correct him for appropriate behavior just because I am having a bad day. It might not be you at all that makes a person act unnerved, just their mood.
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